the eighth

Halloween is not my favorite holiday. But with kids I came to terms with it and will accept it until the kids get old enough that I don't have to care any more. I do, however, love giving my kids new experiences. We had traveled to the pumpkin patch last year with her. I was pregnant with them and have the unsightly pictures to remind myself of that. At the time she would have nothing to do with sitting cute on a pumpkin to take her picture. I was very hopeful that this year would be different. Hopeful. Hah, what a joke.

I spent the day before planning. Early breakfast, early nap, quick snack and then off to the patch. We had been talking about going to the pumpkin patch for the past few days. I was trying to pump her up. Trying to use the pumpkin patch as a bribe to be good. The day started off wrong. Breakfast at 11:30 (I guess that is not really breakfast anymore). She resisted taking a nap and then only slept for an hour. Dear me. I should have seen the signs.

We loaded up the truck. Three kids - check. Diaper bag - check. Bjorn packs (2) - check. Water and other life supplies - check. We were off. I was excited. I just knew this would be a special experience. I had remembered the camera and was determined to get a picture of the five of us. Ten years from now I would be able to look at that picture and smile at our first "patch" experience as a family. Little did I know this one would be hard to forget.

We arrived, packed up the boys and all held hands. We walked into the patch. Pumpkins were sparse, but it was the week before Halloween. It was more about the experience and not the pumpkins, but I encouraged her to run for them. Run for the pumpkins little girl. It was beautiful. A little back ground music as she ran through the grass on to the dusty field of pumpkins would have been perfect. She bent over and picked up an odd shaped pumpkin. She turned, looked back at us. She threw the pumpkin on the ground. She picked up another with the same intent. I hustled over with a baby attached to my chest, so running was not an option, and told her not to throw the pumpkins. People were looking at us. She muttered something and walked to the next. We managed to keep the poor pumpkins in tact by moving on to something different. She talked and laughed at the animals. My eyes teared up as she gibber-jabbered at the sheep that sat chewing his cud. Wow. If only I was so excited by such small things.

We were walking back to the front of the patch, back to the truck when she saw it. I had hoped that she would be so interested in the pumpkins that she would miss it. She didn't. There it was. In all it's glory. A huge red bouncy house in the shape of a ship. How could we say no. Well, we could, but.....

I should have known. I should have known with the way things had panned out so far - late breakfast, short nap, spiked pumpkins....

She went into the bouncy house and never came back. Our five minutes were up and her turn was over. She could have cared less if the world was coming to an end. She could have cared less if we had left her there for the rest of her life. With babies attached to our chest, we could not crawl into the bouncy house. She finally emerged after going down the slide. He had to make it a sneak attack and grab her as she peeked out the door. It was over. Right at that moment the day had taken a dark,dark turn. We became those people. We became those people that others talk about. Those people with there hands full with babies and then a screaming, crying child. Except our child spits too. She was mad. Wait, not mad. Furious. There was no rationalizing with her. I had been here with her before. For him, it was his first experience. She had hit the point of no return. It's birth control.

We wrangled her into her car seat and then into the house. She continued melting down and seemed to need a moment to her self. I took off her shoes and put her in bed. It sounds so graceful in words, but trust me, it was far from that. I was wrangling a spitting cobra. Again, birth control.
As I closed the door behind me, it took all I had not to have my own fit. She continued on for a while and then silence. About ten minutes later, she came downstairs and in her sing-songy, lisp voice turned her head to the side and asked for some raisins. I asked her the magic word and she sweetly replied, "please."

the seventh

I am aware that my actions (as a human being/mom) have an affect on my overly spirited, challenging two-year old. That every breath I take and each word I utter are being stored in her little mind, only to come back to haunt me in the near future. I have accepted this and do everything in my power to think before I act and have some kind of filter before I talk. I have tried to convince my husband of this fact as well. He is still in a bit of denial.

It had been one of those days. You know the type - on the verge of tears, ready to scream until the whole world goes silent. Completely questioning how I got to this place...oh, ya. Sex. Why don't they teach you this in high school sex ed? Anyhow, he had offered to help me put the kids to bed. Smart, smart man. While he was trying to corral her and get her in pj's I tackled the boys. She is like herding cats and they are like dressing a slicked piglet. He told her to take her pull-up off. She, in her spirited fashion, wiggled out of the pull-up and flung it towards him. He picked it up and playfully whacked the diaper across her face. She laughed in complete glee. I glared. I glared into the depth of his soul.
"Really?" I asked. "That is not a good thing to show her."
He giggled (like a child) "It's okay. It's just silly."
No wonder I call him my first born child....


The next morning, while rallying the troops, she took off her pj's and her diaper. I figured something was up because she was much to willing to comply with my wishes. She slipped out of her diaper, and while I was on the floor gaw-gawing at them, a soft "thwack" hit my face. Without even looking up, I knew. A soft, wet, full overnight diaper had just run across my cheek. I lifted my eyes only to find her looking so very pleased. In my nicest morning disciplinary voice, I told her "That's not nice. We don't hit people with diapers." In the back of my mind I am thinking why, why do I even have to be saying this? And while my mind was formulating an answer (not quite enough coffee), she chimed in with a cheery, "It's okay mommy, it's just silly."
He's dead meat.

the sixth

The shuffle of little feet across the carpet. The suckling slurps on the nipple of the bottle. The endless laughter at such simplistic things. The tantrums complete with crocodile tears, stomping feet and screaming "no's."
The whisper of  "I love you" uttered with a slight lisp.  The horrid smell of dirty diapers. The clanking of forks on plates during 6:00pm dinner. The spring-sprong noise as the Jumper-roo is in full effect. The Cheshire cat smiles when they lock eyes. The silence of sleep. 

The middle of the night, placing my hand on their chest - just checking. Lurking in their room. Listening to their innocence. Knowing that in the morning the clanking, clattering, chatting, screaming, crying, laughing, talking, playing, smiling will all begin again. I too shuffle my feet across the carpet. Closing the door behind me, whispering I love you (without a lisp).

the fifth

It goes with out saying that I am in love with my kids and I would never turn back the clock. We have been truly blessed. Words do not express the feelings when you hold her for the first time, see him smile or hold them in your arms and hear the words I love you. It's a euphoric feeling. But when I hear friends and co-workers talk about having kids, I can't resist putting in my two cents....well, usually it's more like 25 cents (two cents won't get you crap these days). I often warn not of the pain of childbirth (believe me. I pushed out twins with a faulty epidural), or the huge financial impact (hello, three kids in daycare full time), or of the various hormonal repercussions of pregnancy and postpartum (gotta love crying or freaking out for no reason). I warn of the life change.

It is a cliche, but kids change your life. Literally, your life as an individual will no longer be your life. It is now their life. Your life will revolve around them. At times that is wonderful and at times it is a bad dream. Kids complicate things. 

I truly long for the ability to just pick up and leave the house within five minutes and only one trip to the car. Days were spontaneous. Dinner was unplanned and uninterrupted. Empty weekends. A quiet Friday afternoon became busy with drinks and dinner with friends. Sundays were filled with long afternoon naps and a load or two of laundry. Weekdays were waking up, working, relaxing then doing it all over again. I almost hated weekends because I would be bored. Now like any mom, any down time is spent figuring out how best to spend any extra moments - laundry, vacuuming, moping floors...it is a toss up. Staying in bed all day drinking coffee and reading a good book has certainly gone to the birds. Reading anything other than baby food jars and Bambi is a bit of a pipe dream these days.

Of course things won't always be this busy. This too shall pass and another season of our lives will begin. But to those who are "sans" kids I say, live it up. Enjoy the simpleness of it all. Of course I was on the receiving end of this exact advise and look where it got me.

the fourth

I think it was my fourth trip from the truck to the house...well...maybe it was my fifth. Who knows! I had made quite a few trips. Smarty pants me, I had scratched the idea of loading the car in heels and had resigned to a pair of Crocks until I reached the office. Shuffling in and out of the house, with each trip she told me to "be careful mommy. Watch out mommy. Good job mommy." I would always reply with "thank you, thank you." Of course muttering under my breath something about the days when I had quiet mornings with one trip to the car...those were the days. On the fifth trip (or what ever it was) "Okay, it's your turn. Let's get in the car."  Dead silence, she dropped her sippy cup and said "no." Oh my. It isn't even 7:30am and this is how it starts. I am often amazed that we (as a society) continue to breed. I took a deep breath.

This morning was not unlike any other morning. Up early, a cup of coffee before the little ones start fussing. A shower, make-up and hair, a tad bit of laundry, more coffee and then up-se-daisy. Rise and shine little ones. I could tell it was going to be a rough one when before she opened her eyes, her first word was "no." Now, not all mornings are difficult. There are certainly those where I get to work and realize that I might actually be able to make it through the day without feeling like screaming. I guess those are the days that I think of having more kids....idiotic. Yes. Completely. Please commit me.

We always make it into the car and there is usually that final trip to grab my coffee/water of life or what ever you want to call it. There are days when I drive away and have to drive back only to realize that I did not forget what I thought I forgot. We always make it to daycare into the arms of our wonderful provider. Who seems to welcome the craziness of my three kids - we are often half of her daily inventory. Good thing she is not sick of us. As I close the door behind me, leaving my kids crying or smiling, laughing or screaming, I realize how glad I am to go to work. But at the end of the day, no matter what kind of day it has been, it is a pleasure to see their faces. Well....maybe that is a lie....it is a pleasure to see their faces as long as they are smiling. If there are frowns....oh well. I guess it's too late now.

the third

She put me on a time out. She said "that's it! time out!" She repeated it over and over. Really drilling the point.

She pulled a full carton of eggs off the counter and quietly took eggs out of the carton and put them on the floor. Tick, tick. I heard it in the background but had no idea what that noise was. She put me on a time out?

She found a permanent pen, drew on my french table cloth and on the side of the drawer. We now call her the graffiti artist. And she put me on a time out.....

She had been sneaking them for days (we later discovered). A white powder on her lips. A little suspicious, but who has time to investigate? Teething tablets....took them out of the diaper bag, out of the ziplock, took the top off and helped herself. Put the top back on, back in the ziplock and back in the diaper bag.....we call her the druggie. And she put me on a time out!

She lies. Lies all the time. Through her teeth. No shame. Did you go potty in your pants? "no." The nerve of her to smile as she responds. Did you go potty? "No!" The sing-song in her voice actually is cute. But the smell that just came out of her you-know-what, not so cute. She lies. So we call her the pathological liar. And she put me on a %$#@*&% time out!?!?!?

She sat on one of them. Sat on him like he was a ride at the fair while she yelled out a version of "yee-hah." She sat on him and looked shocked when I was upset. She put me on a time out (really).

She stole the pacifier. She took it out of his mouth and ran. Forest Gump, full on Hussein Bolt Olympic time trial ran. Along the way she "disposed" of the pacifier in a secret location (still unknown). Like a drug deal gone bad, she stole the goods and in an instant it was gone. Where...who knows. Because she is a liar and won't tell where it really is. Probably with the lost socks from the laundry...I knew there was a culprit! We call her a kleptomaniac.....and she put me on a time out :)

She is two and already draws all over my stuff, sneaks things that taste good, lies (or doesn't truly know the difference between yes and no), and she steals. She put me on a time out and I laughed out loud at her.

Thank god she is only two.

the second

The camera clicked away as my mind played ping-pong.
Bouncing from one memory to the next. The beginning - the horror we felt. Two babies...really? The current - wow, this really is our life. Forever. The recent past - tears of joy, tears of frustration, tears of pure and utter exhaustion. There are so many happy memories, which is more than I can say for some (so I should not complain). Yet, it is so sad sometimes took look back and realize that it all occurs in just the blink of an eye. It seemed like just last week that they were so small, so pliable...still so very sleepy. They sit now (literally) in a bucket full of towels and roll around on a blanket blabbering and drooling. She plays in the background. Trying to find some kind of trouble, just enough to get a little (or a lot) of attention. She too was once so small. All that you gain as they grow, you lose too. The innocence, the smell, the softness, the almost lifeless sleep.

So now as the only noise in the house is the flicker of the fan, the breaths of babies in the other room, and my fingers tap-tap-pause-tap-tap-tapping, I sit back and my mind continues to ping-pong from one memory to the next. Smile.