the nineteenth

It is natural this time of year to reflect back on what the year has been. In our house there has been so much. It is hard to know where to start....

This time last year that we had a huge scare. I was pregnant with the boys and the doctors thought I was going into preterm labor.  There was a lot of concern and I was carted off to another hospital about two hours away via ambulance. It was a scary time. The boys were too young to survive outside the womb. If they had come that early, their survival rate was less than favorable. With medication and overnight monitoring the boys stayed snug as bugs inside. I was sent home and put on strict bed rest for the remainder of my pregnancy.

It was the longest two months of my life. I had many other episodes when I went back to the hospital because of contractions. I had become a regular at Labor and Delivery. The nurses knew me. I got the best rooms and first class treatment. The boys and I held tight until they were 37 weeks and one day (for twins the gestation is usually 38 weeks as opposed to 40 weeks for a singleton). My labor was induced when my blood pressure got too high and I was diagnosed with preclampsia. It was one hell of a labor. I will remember that moment forever - for many, many reasons. Of course the most important being that the boys were healthy and huge (weighing in at around 7lbs each). We had made it. With the support of my wonderful husband who handled everything while I was bed resting and family who provided endless amounts of support and encouragement, we had made it.

I will never forget the moment when I was laying on the operating room table. I had just pushed out baby A and he was crying. I looked over at him. We were both crying. He said to me "You did it."
I remember seeing his face through my tears of joy and pain. I managed to utter "We did it."
Of course I still had to push out baby B who was face up and my epidural wasn't working AT ALL. It was horrible. Baby B arrived fashionably late about 45 minutes after his brother. He let out a cry to let us know that he too had made it. It was worth every ounce of worry and pain.

So at this New Year, this turn of the decade, that I can't help but reflect back on this last year. Amazement of the magic of twins conceived through the magic of mother nature. Terrified Joy of the unknown - our lives would never be the same. Acceptance that life has handed us a challenge and that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger - I feel like I died a hand full of times this year, so I must be one strong ass b*&%$>. Fear that our boys would come too soon. Euphoria when they arrived healthy.  Overwhelming happiness when she turned out to be the best big sister ever. Thankful that I have a husband who....I am at a loss for words. There are no words to truly express my love for him. 2009 has been an adventure. A master class in getting through. We made it. Together.

As the boys continue to try to find their balance and walk across our family room floor and she dances around mentioning cock 'n balls and putting her brothers on time outs, I stare in amazement at how far we have come. We are all still here and most of the time we are all smiling.