the twenty-fourth

She will be three and she still poops her pants. Not little cute turds. We are talking emptying bowels....yes, it's disgusting. She is just about potty trained with peeing, but pooping...OMG...she is a challenging child. Lord help me and forgive me for all my sins. I surrender.

When I was a kid we had a dog who ate the crotch out of dirty underwear....again, yes, it was just plain disgusting. He was obsessed...he was a strange dog. Anyhow, in an attempt to get him not to eat the underwear, we would tie the underwear around his neck. It was supposed to shame him. However, looking back I think it probably did the opposite. He flaunted his "treasure" (barf) for the world to see. I don't remember if the technique worked, but it certainly has potential.

The point of this is, she had just finished telling screaming that she did not have to go on the POTTY!!!  At the time I was just not in the mood to deal with it. Fine. Get of the potty and go play in the street (just kidding...sorta). Minutes later.....she emptied herself. I mean every ounce was no longer in her body and was in her underwear. Awesome. Women with teenage daughters sent them on over for a little lesson we will call birth control.

I saw red. All red. Will this ever end? Will she be pooping her pants till she is in school and kids make fun of her? Will she be know as the poopy girl? Will I make it through this? I have two more kids to potty train...
After feeling secure that I was not going to strangle her. I took her upstairs and cleaned her up. While I was holding back the urge to gag, I was doing a quick list (I heart lists. Physical and mental lists) of the tactics we has already tried and have not tried. While some techniques might work they probably are too mean and not very sanitary (don't ask), but that stupid dog and his underwear eating came to my mind.....let's face it some times lists lead us in the wrong direction.
With all the noise and the extremely nosy-tattle tail neighbor I won't be surprised when child protective services comes 'a knocking. And something tells me it won't go to well when she skips to the CPS agent with shitty underwear around her neck. I can picture it now.....she will tell the agent "my mommy put my poopy panties around my neck." I'll be in the background disheveled, red faced with a glass of chard....mom of the year.